Lessons in Dating Yourself
Tonight was…well, all that you could hope and possibly expect from a night.
I was waiting for something to happen, my friends to appear or the night to coalesce and for everything to magically work out. Walking as I usually do from Chelsea south I ended up around Astor and decided, rather resolutely, that I would take myself on a date. Not the skimpy dates I usually treated myself on, the pay half dates or the movie dates, but a real honest to god, romantic interlude.
I ended up in the East Village. Walking along Tompkins Square Park (which I forgot how much I loved in the summer, such a mixture of ugliness mixed with the destitute and the sort of nature thats most enchanting in New York because of its scarcity, that its almost easy to forget) until I reached 6th and Avenue B where I happened upon Casimir. A perfect little french restaurant.
There are certain lessons that I learned in France… The art of dining alone as I woman. It wasn’t that I’d never done it in New York, even at nice restaurants, but I didn’t quite realize the absence of other female stag diners in the US until I traveled a bit. There seemed to be there, in many places, women enjoying a meal, enjoying a drink, enjoying a book. It reminded me of the many times I’d heard a girl friend say, well if you’re not coming then I guess I’ll just head home, the amount of times I’d said it myself. Its empowering that form of self pleasure. Sitting down, having a wonderful meal, watching the restaurant slowly feel with evening diners. People watching. Tasting and savoring everything. Creating a piece of the environment.
I ordered the Fillet Mignon and a couple of glasses of Bergerac (which I’ve slowly come to the conclusion is my favorite French wine). I even…at the beckoning of Nic ordered dessert (”You can’t go to a French restaurant and not order dessert) Apple Tart Tatin with a homemade ice cream (which I finished all of).
Tonight I walked home, and my step was springy. As though I’d just met someone wonderful. Maybe I’d had or simply been reintroduced to someone I’d always loved and merely forgotten because of time. Because of distance. And experience that slow and amazing reawakening of feelings of remembering how to feel. Self. I noticed everything, the air, the breeze, the cherry blossom leaves still pink and lying in the puddles at curves.
I listened to Nina. I romanced. I smiled.
I still miss whats gone but this path seems like it might be filled with small things worth finding and keeping along the way.
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